2005-07-25 - 11:09 a.m.
I am ok
I love you all so much for caring about me and for wanting to avenge me etc. hehe
I have too many things I want to say but saying them wouldn't help me or anyone else... all it would do is make me bitter and angry.
Andrew has been so many things to me for so many years but he left me and everyone else who loves him a few months ago now. I'll never understand what changed him SO drastically or why he gave in to it so easily. It hurts that I now doubt I ever knew him so it's easier to just believe something in London killed him.
My best friend has died and thats not a feeling Im enjoying. So what do I do now?
I remember him. I gather up the photographs, the notes, the silly tat and the shared jokes.. and I put them in a box where they will be safe. I'm not going to cry into the box because they are wonderful and happy memories even this new imposted cannot damage that.
People don't tend to rise from the dead so I'm not going to sit around and hope that he's coming back. I will just make the most of all that he gave me of himself (the self he WAS) which is a lot. I loved him that wont change.
But I cannot love the boy who did this - I don't even know him.
So here we go the end of another chapter. I must NOT blame myself. I am NOT worthless and I was a GOOD friend to him.
I hope somewhere in his twisted soul a part of him remembers that
Maybe I'll see you again some other place some other time and you'll know me like you used to. I'm sorry that you got lost I tried so hard to light your way but you bit my hand and the pain made me let go.
I can't follow you where you're going Andrew
But to my best friend Andrew Paul Thompson wherever you are now...
I LOVE YOU
(ok crying at work now have to wrap it up - so here have a video.. I don't actually know what this sounds like.. but the lyrics were emailed to me by someone who DOES love me and I will listen to it when I get home!)
Video code provided by
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