THE-MOO... because... you NEED it!!!

2005-11-11 - 2:38 p.m.

I donï¿½t really have a lot of time today since Iï¿½ve already frittered most of it away sending emails to Ali that I promised Iï¿½d do days ago and havenï¿½t had the time yet. I am baby sitting tonight for Chris and Jayne and then after that we have my bro and tow baby sisters for the whole weekend to ourselvesï¿½ which I am so much looking forward to that I could wet my pants!! Haha I love them so much Iï¿½d bloody steal them and make them my own if I could!! HONESTLY!!

The inlaws have left now and so we have more space, less silence and less teletext in our house which is wonderful though it was lovely to see them. I think Iï¿½m just too weird.. I canï¿½t have too many serious conversations without having at least a short lighthearted interjection.. and theyï¿½re all about the serious!! I like laughing and smiling and the serious serious seriousness tires me out! I had a headache for three days from the silence and the thinking and analyzing and woohooo now Gareth and I can go back to walking around the house half dressed and talking our weird voices with made up words that only we understand.

I love him.. no no I donï¿½t think you understand I mean I really love him! You know what I just decided that instead of rambling on about nothing I shall post you a copy of the email I just sent to Ali.. because Iï¿½m really just paraphrasing it anyway and I donï¿½t like to repeat myself (I didnï¿½t say I DONï¿½T DO ITï¿½ I just donï¿½t like it)

EMAIL TO ALI ï¿½ how it works is she sent me some headings and I had to reply using them.. we all did it separately (me lisa becca and ali herself).. this is mine

1) Hopes

I hope that you won't stop needing us now that you're
down there. I hope that I will lose some weight and
some spots some time soon. I hope that My mam will be
ok without me at christmas. I hope that lisa and
becca can both get married happily without upsetting
each other. I hope I get my wedding video soon. I
hope you miss me like I miss you but not so much that
it makes you sad - missing you makes me happy because
when I miss you I'm thinking of you and when I think
about you I touch myself HAHAAHA no no I jest I jest
it was just too easy.. when I think about you I smile
and sometimes even laugh out loud!! I hope you know
how very very loved you are. I hope I am loved back.
I hope I get to see you soon. I hope it snows at
christmas

2) fears

I am scared about my first christmas as Mandy
Williams. Christmas has such set traditions and
routines to me and I love them I don't want to change
them but at the smae time I'm REALLY excited because
it's out first married christmas. It's selfish really
but I kind of want to just drag him into MY family
traditions this will be the first year since I was
born that my mammy won't wake me up on christmas
morning and I'm really scared about it! is that
pathetic? I'm also scared about Tara dying.. it's
going to happen and I don't want to be the one who
finds her and I don't know how I'll make it ok for
Gareth. I also have fears about Adele at the moment..
she was doing so well and it's gradually all just
slipped right back.. I'm scared that it's because I
havn't been there enough - I'm scared I'm a rubbish
friend.

3) bitchy session

While I was off work Sick.... Sahida moved EVERYTHING
on my desk and in my drawers and then expected me to
be happy because she tidied it!! Somehow she has
become incredibly condescending and it bothers me
because she's not really very intelligent MY GOD what
a horrible thing to say but it's true and I usually
love her to pieces and I do I love her so much but
really... she's been treating me like I'm thick and
using me as a slave.. I had to do her CV the other day
because it was awful!! GRRRR!! it makes me more angry
because I like her!! stupid!! ALSO.... DRINKY PLUS OH
MY GOD WHAT THE SHITTING HELL DRINKY PLUS CHANGE THE
NAME IT MAKES ME WANT TO KEEEEL YOU!!!

4) swearing section

fanny clarts fuck twat shit bollocks fuck some more
piss piss piss snot twat gingle monging period clot
faggot puff fister rim nibbler jizz twat shit face
arse and of course CUNT!! (well placed section
there.. right after riling me up with the bitchiness
... NICE!)

5) happy bits (Don't go to a rude place!)

hahahhhahahahahahaah how about we place a happiometer
here and check it's feathery goodness for the juices
of my joy!! AAHHAHAAH sorry you can't ask me not to go
to a rude place because I don't have to go there..
it's where I live!! I dwell in the gutter it's my
home!! ok yeah happy.. I LOVE my house.. I've never
really had a real home because I moved from home to
home since I was little and felt like a snail. I was
ashamed of my mothers house because of where it was
and because it stinks of smoke and dog and my dads
house stopped being home once leigh moved in because
he was constantly pushing me out. But now... I have
made this place we have decorated it and it is our own
and I feel safe and settled and for the first time
ever I feel proud to bring people home and it's MY
home! OUr nest!! ALso people like being there which
makes me happy! Other happiness.. the kittens.. they
make me smile a lot a lot a lot!! hahaha sooo much
cuteness and love.. Dave has started answering to his
name so when you call him he runs over as if it's
imperative that he reaches you as soon as possible so
as not to lose any strokeage time and he looks so
excited like "me?? you're shouting for me really me
you want me oh wow that's so exciting are you going to
stroke me?"!! aaw lovely teenies!! I will email some
pics later when Gareth sends them to me!! Also I am
happy because I was terrified you'd just drift out otf
touch but I speak to you a lot and you still love me
and we email now and so I really truly look forward to
coming to work because I know you are there (not
really but it feels like it) Also.. (sorry everything
makes me happy I can't help it) I am happy because I
LOVE my boss.. she so much reminds me of you and I
think if you were a boss you'd be just like her and
she treats me not like an incompetant little fool but
like a really treasured little sister - I'm always
unsure of peoples feelings towards me but she is just
so warm towards me and when I was off for a few days
and I walked into her office when I came back she
really lit up and had this huge smile. she makes me
laugh and she always tells me how happy she is that I
came to work here!! I am so lucky with bosses aren't
I? haha! OOH more happiness.. I have my little bro
and sisters all weekend this weekend. They are coming
to stay at my house and I am so overwhelmed by how
excited they are... they rang me yesterday (I still
think they're all 2 so using the phone ON THEIR OWN
blew me away) to say they loved me and were excited
and I just melted into a pile of mush I forgot to even
say anything back I was just all mushy and warm and
happy!! I love them so much and they're just the
bestest kiddilies ever... Leigh totally doesn't
deserve them!! More happiness (it never ends) Becca
came over last night and Gareth and craig went for a
drink.. and you know what.. in the time we've been
dithering about and worrying they're hit soem changing
point and they were both just so alive and happy and
she was smiley!! things aren't perfect but they're so
great together and they've spoken about it and it's
all good!! woohooo!! Ok I have to stop because I have
about a zillion other happy things I want to add but
you've probably already stopped reading! I'll list
some - I have lots of nice books to read, I have some
AMAZING friends, I'm getting quite good with strangers
(at times) Gareth says I can start horse riding again
(NO IDEA HOW MUCH WILL POWER IT IS TAKING ME NOT TO
JUST TALK ABOUT THAT FOR A FEW HOURS WORTH OF EMAIL!!!
AAAAAH I know you're not fussed by hossies though so I
shall refrain) I am not poor for the first time in my
life and the biggest of all happinesses.. IT'S NEARLY
CHRISTMAS AND THERE ARE DECORATIONS AND AAAAH AND I
ALREADY HAVE LOADS OF CHRISTMAS SONGS!!

6) sad section

You're not here!! :-(

7) How great I am

I love you so so so so so so so so so much and I would
struggle to make it any more obvious to you and anyone
else fortunate enough to bring you (or anything that
reminds me of you) up in conversation. I can remember
my life before you just about I have some memories of
a time before we were friends but those memories are
so completely lacking in colour in comparison to the
ones since we became buddies. I have uncountable
wonderful memories of you. Memories of you taking
care of me when I was sad, memories of you sticking up
for me, memories of us doing work together at school,
memories of silly games we've played, in jokes and
then of living together all happy!! With you I am so
complete. I just.. there has never been an
explanation but I feel safe when you're in a room with
me I feel confident and alive and usually amused!!
ALWAYS AMUSED who am I kidding 'usually'!! hahaah You
make me laugh because you are probably the only person
in the world who truly understands my humour! I have
always admired you ever since we were tiny because you
were always so brave and so intelligent and so
determined. So many things in my life have changed
over the years and you have been right there with me
every step of the way.. there isn't a person on this
earth knows me better than you do and I love for
loving me despite knowing me so well!! haha I just
love you every single part of you and who you are I
love being your friend and you make me happy..
honestly I thought it would make me the most miserable
person on earth when you left Lisa and Becca were
really worried but I'm the lucky one.. I have the most
memories and try as I may to be mopey and sad about it
there's always some ridiculous memory waiting to
pounce me into submission. When I think of you I
smile and the whole world feels right!! YOU ARE MY
SUNSHINE AND TRULY THE BEST FRIEND I COULD HAVE HOPED
FOR!!!

8) What you've been doing

I have been filling in this flipping email and you
better read every single word BIATCH!!!! other than
that you know what I've eben doing because I email you
a lot.. I've been with the inlaws I've been working
and I've been laughing at the teenies!

9) gareth
yes GARETH - he is doing really really well. Lots of
work lots of money writing lots of songs being really
cute and squishy and aaaaw as usual!! He gets sillier
by the minute and I'm loving it. Can you imagine when
we first met him.. if I'd told him in a few years he'd
behave like this?? He wanders around the house
wearing my pants and singing in a silly voice about
"my darliiiiin my darliiiin she's so teeenie but not
as teenie as THE teenies.." haha I love him so much I
could burst and he just gets more and more FIT!! I
don't know how but he just... I really fancy my
husband like a LOT!!! and I love him and he cooks for
me and living together has become a well polished
routine, a beautiful dance and he even acknowledges
that I DO clean and he is a freak for wanting a
sterile house!! haha! I wake up every morning and I
look at him and I think I won't be able to get through
the day with my heart in tact.. surely one day it will
just be so full it will burst. Every time he breathes
every time he speaks every time he tells me off for
not using enough bleach in the bathroom - I fall in
love with him all over again!! GOD I'm even all teary
eyed now!! haha I sometimes wonder if it's a mistake
you know..? I wonder if he was picked out for some
wonderwoman and he got me by mistake and one day I'll
have to give him back.. but he loves me and you know I
finally truly understand that! He loves ME! he needs
ME and they'd have to prize me out of his cold dead
hands.. it's the only way he'd let me go! He misses
you!

10) a joke

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fishtank hahahahaha

I doubt any of you are still reading because that load of rambling means nothing to you but that is me at my truest.. the way I am when I speak to those I love most so if you really want to know meï¿½ the answers are all in their!

Penny sent me some lovely post and I sat on the bed and I cried because it was broken ï¿½ Iï¿½m so sorry pens!! She had send me something which made her think of me and filled an envelope full of love and it arrived in three pieces :ï¿½-( Penny I want you to know that I LOVE it!! I lovelvoelvoelvoelovelovelovelovelove IT and I donï¿½t care that itï¿½s broken in fact I prefer it because a fixed one wouldnï¿½t be right now I have this one and I love it and itï¿½s still useable and please donï¿½t think Iï¿½m even a teeny bit disappointed Iï¿½m just sad because I knew youï¿½d be gutted when you found out it was broken but I love it pens I love three times as much as I would have if it had come in one piece and I love you I love you so much I could have burst Iï¿½m so sorry itï¿½s broken but thank you!! Thank you so much for being such a wonderful thoughtful angel of love!!

Iï¿½m sorry this entry has been crap.. I had a few days off work because of the no voiceness and now I am snowed under with work. I have brought you pictures thoughï¿½ which will no doubt take days to load

Oh I am sorry for being a rubbish diarist.. I intend to catch up on diaries tonight because I couldnï¿½t check while the inlaws were here and then we have the kiddies over the weekend so .. when the kiddies are sleeping I shall come online and love bomb you all into submission and you will declare your undying patience for my crapness!!

I love you all and itï¿½s disgusting how much I miss you all and think of you when Iï¿½m away from the land of the internet!!

Youï¿½re so important to me.. each and every one of you!!

(even the people who never leave notes.. I know youï¿½re there!! *Hugs*)

x x x

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