2006-05-09 - 3:06 p.m.

If I sent the universe a petition to add another 12 hours to the day how many of you would sign it? I don’t even know why I’m so busy there is just so much to cram into every day and at the moment updating my diary is the lowest priority. My head is full of entries bouncing and clattering into each other fighting to be out but then the time I do manage to get to a computer by the time I’ve read and caught up on emails and other people’s diaries I don’t have the time or the brain power left to make sentences from my thoughts.

Spent this weekend throwing out all of the clothes that I’ve grown out of but was keeping for when I get thinner. I threw away jeans, tops, skirts and along with them I threw away my unrealistic expectations of my body/ I will never be SKINNY – If I was stripped all the way back to my bones I’d STILL have wider hips and a more thickset frame than most. I have spectacularly white skin and frizzy (yet thin) hair. One of my nostrils is completely collapsed and on top of the wonkiness this causes my nose.. I have an oversized Shneck for my face. My skin is marked and scared from all of the spots I have and I have THE shortest eyelashes in the world framing my non descript eyes. I have many many parts that could wobble for Britain (and get GOLD) but you know what else I have:

I have THE most amazing husband and the absolute most FABULOUS friends (you included) I don’t need to be thin or to have expensive clothes and perfumes and skin products. I don’t need to be the one that everyone wants because the best people in the world.. choose me and THAT is more than enough to make me feel happy!

Big changes going on at work and big developments going on at theatre school – can’t really write about them now because it’s al complicated and confusing and I have not the time to explain it to you dear hearts.

For now I have a task to do.. several people most recently of which was TIFFER (I LOVE TIFFER) have tagged me with this and I’ve always either forgotten or not had time to do it so here we go:

Once you are tagged you MUST write a blog entry about your 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names. So I have taken ages to think of 6 things that I haven’t already told you… I’m waaaay too open no wonder people think I’m weird!

1 – I don’t like to upset soft toys.. I know that sounds stupid but let me attempt to explain – I KNOW they are just toys and I KNOW they aren’t alive or anything even similar but if they fall off something I pick them up (and usually stroke them and apologise) I can’t stand to have them “hurt” and I know it’s totally stupid but I really can’t help it. When I see broken toys I want to take them home and mend them and love them back to health. I have also never ever in my life EVER thrown a toy away – I just CAN’T in case they think they’re ugly or something or that I don’t love them.. gosh yes ok I’m a totally nut job. I’ve gotten better – up until I was about 13 my toys took turns of sleeping in my bed with me on a rotation system to make sure non felt left out. No no don’t run away I’m not a psycho honestly!

2 – I keep everything. Texts, emails, letters, notes, bus tickets, cinema tickets.. I am getting a LOT better than I was but I just like to keep everything in case somehow by throwing it away the memory that goes with it disappears – even little seemingly insignificant things. Unlike normal hoarders though I don’t shove them in a box and forget – I regularly pour over my memories and rekindle the love and happiness in each one. I HATE throwing them away in case I forget the “moment” I’m stupid. I have a really bad hoarding problem with most things and I know exactly where this stems from so I’m dealing with it (we will discuss this in some other session if you so desire moolings)

3 – Sometimes when we’re out in public I pretend Gareth is a stranger (I don’t tell him I’m doing so) and I look at him as if I’m seeing him for the first time to see if he’s still as sexy – wonderful thing about this game is that he gets SEXIER every time I do it!

4 – When I am sexually frustrated (which to be honest is often because my sex drive is waaaaay higher than anyone elses) I have dreams where I wake myself up because I have reached climax… without anything or anyone touching me AT ALL. Orgasm by the power of the imagination.. I WISH I could do it when I was awake!! They are lovely dreams too ;-) someone reading here featured in one of them hahaha but I shall NEVER tell you who or how they featured.. it’s my secret!

5 – I pick my feet – HAHAHA ok so that’s more vile than weird but I like it I think it’s therapeutic to pick the dead skin off (or maybe the nails if they need it) and I know that such things are not considered pleasant or nice but hey.. I am a scrott the sooner you learn this the better!

6 – I sing talk and dance to myself – but it gradually crescendo’s for the longer I do it. So if I begin by swaying gently within a few minutes I will be totally throwing myself from side to side and will only stop when I am laughing too much to continue.. so yes I also laugh at myself… but like a lot!! I remember funny things and then I totally can’t breathe for laughing… for nothing is funnier than when you KNOW you must not laugh aloud!

They’re not even that weird are they… or am I weird that I don’t think they’re so weird… hahah reading them back now I think they are perhaps weird but I am sure I have weirder habits… maybe I’m growing up and becoming normal

I hope not!

Anyway yes so I’m mean to tag 6 people but I know a lot of you have already done this so I’m going to cheat and tag…

EVERYONE WHO HASN’T DONE IT ALREADY!!

For now I am so tired I could just about fall asleep right here at my desk (I think I actually WILL if I sit still too long so I’m swaying madly in my chair and tapping my feat and such) There is so much I want to say that I’ve not had TIME to write but I really MUST go and get some work done now!

Next time I shall bombard you with the kitten pics…. For they are by now well overdue!!

Much love to all

x x x

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